After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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