did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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