He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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