i think i recognize dicks better than faces
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
