I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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