how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize