I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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