yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
