Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i think i just lost a toe
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
