They should really pass out barf bags in church
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
