It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
