Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
