I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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