I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
