Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
try to milk me bitch
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