I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
