There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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