I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My breasts were aching with rage.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
