Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
