i just wanna soil my oats bro
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
