she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize