I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
