That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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