K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
