the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize