It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
