wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
