My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
