It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
