i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
