you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
