Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
