Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I want to fling myself into the sun
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
