I CAN MOONWALK!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
