I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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