After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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