ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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