she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
