Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize