just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
