I feel like I'm in dance class right now
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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