I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
