I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
