I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
