I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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