She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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