the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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