so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
