He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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