There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
two words: eviction party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
