I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
