I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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