she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
