I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize