I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
