I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
