remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
