I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
