I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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