I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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