i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
