It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
