I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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