i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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