dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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