when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
