Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize