i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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