Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
as a side note pls kill me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
