i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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